Well, once again, me and George had an explosion. This time I told him most of what I really thought of his girlfriend's role in my children's lives. As usual, he refused to see anything, but he at least did not have the option of hanging up on me so he did not have to hear it. But as a result, I have seen him for what he truly is at this point in my life... a man I do not want to be with any longer. I think I will always love him, but I cannot trust him anymore, and in order for me to take him back, he would have to regain my trust, and I know he will never be willing to meet my conditions to give him a second chance. So, I continue to move on with my life slowly, knowing what my long term goal is... to return to active duty for the US Army, despite George's degrading side comments that basically say I am not good enough to be a soldier again. What he does not realize is that the more he antagonizes me about the army, the more he motivates me to do it and then shove it down his throat how little he truly knows me and cared to understand me.
One of my friends, who has gone through this herself (but she was on active duty when it happened and she only had ONE child, so it was a little easier in a way) really wants to set me up with a guy from church. Not trying to get me to cheat or anything, not that kind of set me up, she wants me to be with someone who will, in her words, treat me like a princess, like I deserve to be treated. She really is not happy with the way George went about leaving me and his actions since then. I don't really want to be with anyone at this point, although some nights I wish I had someone to cuddle with on the couch while watching TV after the kids go to bed. I just don't want to be with some guy who is going to want to jump in the sack just because he hangs out at my house. I just want someone who is willing to be a friend, but be a sensitive guy. How many of them actually exist? Not a lot, I don't think. Then I also run into the issue of who wants to be with a single mom of two? Especially when that mom does not want anymore children with anyone at this point. I am just going to have to wait and see what happens over the next year or two. Wish me luck.
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1 comment:
Okay, I've read it and I've got a comment. You might not like what I've got to say, but please remember that it comes from my heart, and I love you.
You said, "as usual, he refused to see anything." He refused to see it from YOUR point of view. HE doesn't see it the way YOU see it because HE'S NOT YOU. In HIS eyes, the situation is totally different from what you describe. Remember that. I'm not saying you're WRONG... but try to remember that he's not GOING to agree with you, because he's NOT you.
And he MAY very well be willing to "meet your conditions" sometime in the future. But don't waste your life waiting for him to do that. You are way better than he has ever deserved. Don't cheapen yourself by sitting there, wasting your life on him.
He WANTS you to believe you're not good enough. To sit there and wait for him. It gives him a sense of power. Don't let him HAVE that power. You do what you need to do for YOU and the kids. If being an enlisted soldier again is what you need, then you go for it.
And I have to point out something. You said "who wants to be with a single mom of two?" Um... Jackie... what was *I* when Blake and I first got married??? HUH???? Yup... that's right... A SINGLE MOM OF TWO!!! And *I* had a special needs child, as well. There ARE men out there who will love you for who you are, and will accept your kids unconditionally just because they love YOU. Now I'm not saying to throw yourself into the dating scene just to find one... but don't rule it OUT, either.
Take your life slowly for right now. Do what you need to do for yourself and the kids. Get to know yourself as a person again, not just a wife and mother. Trust me, once you do that, everything else will fall into place. Remember... I was only a year younger than you are when I met Blake and got married. Granted, I'd never been married before, but I'd been engaged to Robert and went through a lot of the same things you're going through with George, just on a smaller scale.
I DO know how you feel.
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