Freedom Anniversary

I was just responding to a Facebook status about men getting pissed at girls who don't want to talk to them, and someone had said something about ladies knowing what we are worth. It made me think of something I said to my ex-husband when we were going through our divorce. We usually were able to keep things civil, and we are actually still very friendly, but there were days back then that were just so painful that I had to do something to let it out. One of the nicer things I said to him was, "I deserve ten times better than you, and you don't deserve half as good as me." It is a bit egotistical, but it's the point of the statement. My ex actually agreed with me, too. He has made statements in the past, before I met my new husband (yea, 3 1/2 years of marraige, 6 years of friendship, and I call it new), that made me believe he regretted getting divorced for the reasons we did back then (we both agree that we probably would have ended up divorced no matter what in the end, but it would have been with a hell of a lot less hurt).

While I was typing my response on Facebook, I realized today's date. 7 June. 6 years ago today, my divorce was finalized, and I was legally a free woman. I still remember the first anniversary of our marraige after the divorce was finalized, I didn't realize the date right away, but when I did, it felt like a knife in my chest. I loved my ex with all my heart, and it still hurts to know that we got divorced because he decided to have an affair. But as time has passed, it stopped hurting so much (of course, Karma helped out there), and the leftover pain isn't about him leaving me, it is about the betrayal. I don't think that pain will ever leave, and it will always make me have that flicker of fear, even with my husband, knowing my husband has never done anything to make me think he'd betray me like that, and I work very hard to keep that fear as a shadow, not letting it take over my mind. But luckily my husband understands the scars that life can leave on your insides. And it makes me love him that much more.